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What if you were the main character of a story, and you get to define the parts of you, the aspects of you, to highlight? Where would you put the most emphasis? What would you intentionally claim? Today is your opportunity to begin thinking about the next chapter of your story! Your Going-Forward Story! You have the opportunity to reflect upon how the main character, YOU, is portrayed.

Describing the main character includes thinking about the personality characteristics as well as the roles played. Let’s Begin! Start by brainstorming all the parts or aspects of you.

Our “inner parts,” those various internal sub-personalities as defined by Internal Family Systems (IFS) theory, can define us positively and negatively. As we move from being a survivor to a thriver, we can better understand ourselves and nurture those parts we wish to claim. We can loosen the compulsive hold some of our “parts” may have on us to allow other aspects of our personality to emerge…even flourish.

Survivors of trauma and abuse find ways of navigating their situation, often adopting roles and habits that are reinforced by others. Unfortunately, these ways of being can become more deeply ingrained ultimately to the point we don’t even see them and whether they are working for us or not. One common role that is adopted is that of “people pleaser.” Making others happy to the detriment of your health and happiness is a short-term solution that, if not addressed, can leave you depleted not only mentally and emotionally but also physically.

The term “Internal Family Systems” (IFS) is becoming more common and utilized. This approach to healing believes that we are composed of different internal parts or sub-personalities. We may not like parts of ourselves, parts that get in our way, or parts we choose to ignore. Every part of us means well and is a cry within us that aches to be heard and tended. These cries can be fears emerging when something core is threatened. They may be longings wanting to be satisfied. They may be aching wounds that are tender and have pain. They can also be gifts that are stifled and yearn to flourish.

To create internal freedom, we have to access the best of ourselves which means we need to hear the various parts within us. We need to engage each part to hear the deep intention underneath and what it values. We need to embrace the “Self”, our inner life, light, and essence. I like to visualize the Self as the pilot light of our soul that is always there but at times might be dimmed.

When I began my healing journey many years ago, my therapist would talk about all the different “parts” within me. I learned that we must honor each of those parts and make them feel seen and known to heal.

As a childhood survivor of sexual abuse, I had two parts to which I needed to pay particular attention. One of those parts was my “little girl” who had been so deeply wounded by someone she trusted. The other was my “protector” part because the adults around me were too lost in their own trauma to come to my aid.

In this Thriver Blog, Danielle Ratliff continues to share her path to healing with ideas around how you can quiet your inner critic. We would love to hear which ones speak to you. Here's to Thriving!

Everyone has an inner critic. You’re probably familiar with this voice – it’s the one that doles out doubts, fears, and limiting beliefs. It’s a normal part of being human. However, this voice can grow exponentially after a traumatic experience. It tells us we are broken and permanently scarred, that it was our fault and we deserved it. It says we aren’t worthy of joy, love, and fulfillment. We may not speak these thoughts out loud, but they play on repeat in the background.

Too often, survivors of rape and sexual assault blame themselves. We question choices (and memories) while fearfully replaying traumatic moments in silence, believing no one else can understand the depth of our shame and despair. But we aren’t meant to shove the painful memories down indefinitely or to sit in silence. Openly sharing our experiences is healing, whether it’s confiding in a trusted friend or writing a blog post. Yes, it’s messy, emotional work. But we are more courageous, resilient, and stronger than we ever imagined.