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Our “inner parts,” those various internal sub-personalities as defined by Internal Family Systems (IFS) theory, can define us positively and negatively. As we move from being a survivor to a thriver, we can better understand ourselves and nurture those parts we wish to claim. We can loosen the compulsive hold some of our “parts” may have on us to allow other aspects of our personality to emerge…even flourish.

Survivors of trauma and abuse find ways of navigating their situation, often adopting roles and habits that are reinforced by others. Unfortunately, these ways of being can become more deeply ingrained ultimately to the point we don’t even see them and whether they are working for us or not. One common role that is adopted is that of “people pleaser.” Making others happy to the detriment of your health and happiness is a short-term solution that, if not addressed, can leave you depleted not only mentally and emotionally but also physically.

The term “Internal Family Systems” (IFS) is becoming more common and utilized. This approach to healing believes that we are composed of different internal parts or sub-personalities. We may not like parts of ourselves, parts that get in our way, or parts we choose to ignore. Every part of us means well and is a cry within us that aches to be heard and tended. These cries can be fears emerging when something core is threatened. They may be longings wanting to be satisfied. They may be aching wounds that are tender and have pain. They can also be gifts that are stifled and yearn to flourish.

To create internal freedom, we have to access the best of ourselves which means we need to hear the various parts within us. We need to engage each part to hear the deep intention underneath and what it values. We need to embrace the “Self”, our inner life, light, and essence. I like to visualize the Self as the pilot light of our soul that is always there but at times might be dimmed.

When I began my healing journey many years ago, my therapist would talk about all the different “parts” within me. I learned that we must honor each of those parts and make them feel seen and known to heal.

As a childhood survivor of sexual abuse, I had two parts to which I needed to pay particular attention. One of those parts was my “little girl” who had been so deeply wounded by someone she trusted. The other was my “protector” part because the adults around me were too lost in their own trauma to come to my aid.

In this Thriver Blog, Danielle Ratliff continues to share her path to healing with ideas around how you can quiet your inner critic. We would love to hear which ones speak to you. Here's to Thriving!

Everyone has an inner critic. You’re probably familiar with this voice – it’s the one that doles out doubts, fears, and limiting beliefs. It’s a normal part of being human. However, this voice can grow exponentially after a traumatic experience. It tells us we are broken and permanently scarred, that it was our fault and we deserved it. It says we aren’t worthy of joy, love, and fulfillment. We may not speak these thoughts out loud, but they play on repeat in the background.

Too often, survivors of rape and sexual assault blame themselves. We question choices (and memories) while fearfully replaying traumatic moments in silence, believing no one else can understand the depth of our shame and despair. But we aren’t meant to shove the painful memories down indefinitely or to sit in silence. Openly sharing our experiences is healing, whether it’s confiding in a trusted friend or writing a blog post. Yes, it’s messy, emotional work. But we are more courageous, resilient, and stronger than we ever imagined.

Rev. Leslie Takahashi writes the following:

“We gather as many drops, each winding our own path down life’s surfaces and ruts.

But here, we pool together as a single body, flowing together for a time.

Together we are a stream, at times even a river, for with our shared force we can travel toward oceans of meaning and seas of connection.”

“Oceans of meaning and seas of connection.”

This is what Survivors to Thrivers seeks to be for you. We can feel alone, like a drop of water, winding our way through life. And yet, there is a collective stream of spirits who can combine and travel together.

Below is a beautiful story of a woman who sat as a single drop of water until her individual stream was changed forever. After reading this passage, there are questions to help you find oceans of meaning for yourself. We hope you will share what you discover and contribute to our sea of connection.

“There is no power for change greater than a community discovering what it cares about.” Margaret J Wheatley

What do you care about deeply? Do you have a community that supports and joins you in that desire? At Survivors to Thrivers’, our Vision is a world where survivors of abuse and trauma are no longer trapped by fear from limiting beliefs and unhealthy patterns and can claim a whole-hearted, life-giving Going-Forward Story. We care deeply for every survivor and we wish to bring freedom and light to individuals AND shine light into the world by speaking into the shame surrounding this topic.

For Sexual Abuse Awareness Month (in April), we started two things to build a virtual community of support.

“Awakening the Light” means socially bringing light to a subject that many would want to leave in the darkness and it means bringing light into our individual lives, spirits and hearts. This blog explores ways to Awaken Your Light now matter what stage you are in: victim - survivor - thriver.

If you are a victim of sexual abuse or trauma, we offer a guide to find a therapist who is right for you.

If you have done the initial healing work and find yourself in “survivor mode”, we offer a creative activity to help you visualize thriving.

If you are a thriver, we have suggestions on how to stay strong on this journey.

For me “Awakening the Light” means a few things. It means socially bringing light to a subject that many want to leave in the darkness. It means bringing light into our individual lives, spirits and hearts.

We must shine light into the darkness! We must talk about trauma and abuse. That takes away its power! Let’s raise awareness around the significant issue of sexual abuse and how many people are hurting from it! Let’s no longer silence or shame the victims!

We continue with our Guest Thriver, Megan, who will take us through a helpful process in her healing. Thank you again, Megan, for your encouragement and wisdom!

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"When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write a brave new ending." Brene Brown

My last post was about feeling called to share my story and the freedom I found in doing so. I want to encourage you to take some healing steps, even partially, to begin to claim yours. The following process has worked for me:

1. Inviting God into the Process

2. Owning and Sharing Your Story

3. Forgiveness

4. Kindness

Inviting God into the Process:

For me, inviting God (however you define the Divine Presence) into the process of change is crucial. I believe so strongly in God's healing grace. Inviting God may be as simple as praying for awareness. Ask God to bring to mind whatever story is not serving you well. Whatever the invitation, it does not have to be a grand gesture. God meets us where we are in our lives.