As an adult, I wished I had been taught to wonder when I was little.
The ability to wonder about things opens us up and expands us. It can help us be creative, and it can help us find answers.
I found myself in my 30s asking the question: “I wonder what caused the panic attack in my workplace?” I had never experienced a pain panic attack before.
Other questions were, “I wonder why I keep repeating the same unhealthy patterns?” “I wonder why I believe deep down that I am unworthy?” “I wonder why I feel I need to stay small and not have a voice?”
The answer beneath all of this is that I was a victim of childhood sexual abuse. Many of us have questions around what happened to us as children. Wounds of many kinds result from abuse that we have seen or experienced. If we don’t heal those wounds, we carry them deep within us, and they continue to take a toll.
I found myself in my mid-30s needing to heal that little girl who was hurt so many years ago.
I also wondered if I could break the generational cycle. I had married an abuser because I did not think I deserved better, and I had a daughter within this marriage. I wondered, “Can I keep my daughter from falling into the same trap?”