Healing Our “Inner Parts” With Compassion
When we are shattered by abuse, it is hard to imagine healing all those parts of us.
This blog explores how to heal our “Inner Parts” with Compassion.
Exploring “Inner Parts”
When I began my healing journey many years ago, my therapist would talk about all the different “parts” within me.
- Parts work therapy is based on the idea that people have many subpersonalities, or parts, that can have unique needs, wants, and beliefs.
- These parts can either consciously or unconsciously help or harm a person in different situations.
- I learned I needed to honor those parts and make them feel seen and known to heal.
My Strongest Parts
As a childhood survivor of sexual abuse, I had two parts to which I needed to pay particular attention.
- One of those parts was my “little girl” who had been deeply wounded by someone she trusted.
- The other was my “protector” part because the adults around me were too lost in their own trauma to come to my aid.
The protector built strong walls to help my little girl manage her fears, disappointment, and deep sadness.
- The protector helped me endure and move through the difficulties that surrounded me.
- I needed to honor the protective part and let it know that it did not need to be so strong anymore.
- I compassionately softened the protective walls and found strength in other ways.
The little girl needed to be held and feel safe and loved.
- She needed her fears allayed and to know that she was no longer in danger.
- It was crutial for her to know that she was (and is) worthy of caring love and of being seen and heard.
- It was also important for the little girl to know she was precious and worthy of loving, healthy relationships.
Healing The Parts
Healing our parts is not easy work and, because it takes time, it can be hard to know when the healing has occurred.
- My walls are perfection, achievement, being strong, and not relying on others.
- As I grow in wisdom, I recognize how those characteristics can work for me and against me.
- I seek to stop identifying with those ways of being and embrace more vulnerability and my authentic self.
Growing my little girl’s confidence and ability to claim herself and her needs is an ongoing piece of work. Here is an example of how I had an opportunity to see how much growth has happened.
- I was with two friends on a weekend getaway to the lake. One friend was leading a virtual yoga class while my other friend and I were her “in-person” participants.
- We were lying in Shavasana at the end of the yoga session, and I had a giddy feeling of being a child, laying on my blanket at naptime beside a dear friend.
- I could even see the bright flower blanket I had laid on in kindergarten.
- As I lay in Shavasana, I reflected on this feeling of joy and safety.
- Tears came as I realized that this was the “before.”
- Before childhood sexual abuse and the loss of innocence, peace, and trust.
Going Home to Our Authentic Selves
Sensing what it is like to go home to that innocent little girl helps me think of what it can be like as I claim my authentic self. This part of me is one of pure love, joy, and trust.
- As we have these moments, we can envision our future state and have a line of sight.
- When it happens, we need to stop and be grateful for this gift.
- I seek to love my child self and smile at those fearful unworthy parts that come up. I ask them, “Are you done worrying now? You have surrounded yourself with loving, healthy relationships dear one.”
Other Parts I Recognize and Own
I seek to love my sacred self.
- I try to nurture this part daily and honor my true spiritual connection, whether in meditation, prayer, nature, or readings.
- I seek to allow my spirit to express herself, grow in understanding, and love herself.
- As essential as this part is, it seems to be one that can be neglected so I meet it with intentionality.
Embracing my courageous part has been much of my work over the past decade.
- I have looked into the dark and healed the woundedness that lay within.
- This included evolving from my tightly knit protective cocoon, courageously pushing out, and risking exposure. I continue to openly engage those around me with my truth.
- I bravely spread my wings to be seen by all and I hope this lifts their hearts in the seeing.
This is my hope for you dear one.
My hope is for you to see each part of you and love each part of you. It is by embracing the whole of ourselves that we can move to a new level of healing and ultimately thriving.
Join me on the 15th of this month where we will explore the parts of ourselves more. You will have an opportunity to examine those parts of you that need some attention, love, nurturing, and even celebrating.
Here’s to Thriving!
Tambry Harris, survivor, thriver, founder of Going-Forward: Survivors to Thrivers
Awakening the Light: A Survivors to Thrivers Going-Forward Story speaks even more about the healing of these various parts in me and was written to encourage others to move from surviving to thriving.
Establishing Support
We connect with others by sharing experiences and establishing mutual support.
- This is crucial to combating shame because it facilitates the empathy element of connection, which helps you put courage and compassion into action.
- Further, once you learn how to express your own shame and ask for support, you’re better equipped to listen to others and provide them with support.
Talk To Tambry
I am glad you have taken the time to engage with this blog. Sometimes it is helpful to process new insights that emerge. If you would appreciate brief time with a someone who understands, our Talk to Tambry offering is for you. For 30 minutes, you can receive support from Tambry who is a certified life coach, spiritual director and a survivor who has been on the journey as well. This is offered at a reduced rate of $50.
