Learning to Love Your Internal Parts
Healing the various parts of us that were either wounded or created by abuse feels overwhelming.
This blog explores how to heal our “Inner Parts” with gentle prompts and reflection.
What is Internal Family Systems?
The term “Internal Family Systems” (IFS) is becoming more common and utilized.
- This approach to healing believes that we are composed of different internal parts or sub-personalities.
- We may not like parts of ourselves, the parts that get in our way, or parts we choose to ignore.
- Yet, every part of us means well and is a cry within us aching to be heard and tended.
- These cries can be fears emerging when something core is threatened.
- Our parts may express longings wanting to be satisfied.
- Our cries often come from aching wounds that are tender and painful.
- We can see them as gifts that are stifled and yearn to flourish.
Psychology Today (link at the end of blog) shares IFS was developed in the 1990s by family therapist Richard Schwartz, Ph.D. The concept is there is an undamaged core Self that is our essence and is made up of three different types of sub-personalities or families. The sub-personalities reside within each person, in addition to the Self.
- These families include wounded and suppressed parts called exiles.
- The protective parts called managers keep the exiled parts suppressed.
- Other protective parts called firefighters distract the Self from the pain of exiled parts when they are released.
Stepping Into the Healing Journey
To begin our healing journey, we must access the best of ourselves. This means hearing the various parts within us.
- We need to engage each part to hear the deep intention underneath and what it values.
- We must embrace the “Self”, our inner life, light, and essence.
- I like to visualize the Self as the pilot light of our soul that is always there but at times might be dimmed.
So how do we move into this healing and nurture our core Self? A Self that is calm, clear, connected, creative, courageous, curious, confident, and compassionate?
The first step is to be compassionate with ourselves and have no judgment on our parts.
- This is combined with being curious about ourselves and seeking to connect with ourselves.
- The parts of myself I described earlier this month are how I have personalized the internal family systems concept.
- I am offering some of my “parts” but please add ones that are particularly core to who you are.
Child self
Sacred self
Courageous self
Wounded self
Protector self
__add yours___________
As we enter this exercise, know it will be deep, reflective work so take three, deep cleansing breaths and settle into your space.
Now, pick a part you would like to consider. See that part in your mind.
Is there an image that comes to you to represent that part of you?
- Maybe it is a symbol?
- Do you see a color?
- If something comes to you, write or draw it in your journal.
Next, welcome that part by asking whichever question feels most right:
- What is it you want me to know?
- Please share what you need.
- What are you afraid of?
- How can I love you?
- Where do you feel the most vulnerable?
- Can you express your hidden gift that needs to be known and claimed?
- Going forward, how can I be present to you?
Reflect on how you want to engage this part going forward. What will the next healing step be?
If you liked this exercise, perhaps you choose another part to embrace.
Extension of this exercise.
A tangible way to engage with your parts is to buy a bag of multi-colored glass pieces. Choose a different colored piece for each part of you. If you find yourself wanting to connect to that part or if the part gets triggered for some reason, hold that piece of colored glass in your hand. Next, seek to better understand it with the questions above.
Other Resources
To learn more about IFS or to know how to engage a therapist around this topic, here is a helpful link: www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/internal-family-systems-therapy
The 2015 Disney Pixar movie, Inside Out, is also a fun way to understand how our parts exist within us and can interact with each other and it is streaming on multiple platforms.
At Survivors to Thrivers, we seek to find ways to help you explore and embrace your beautiful self and move towards Thriving. Let us know how you liked these activities so we can offer ones we know will be helpful to you.
Here’s to Thriving!
Talk To Tambry
I am glad you have taken the time to engage with this blog. Sometimes it is helpful to process new insights that emerge. If you would appreciate brief time with a someone who understands, our Talk to Tambry offering is for you. For 30 minutes, you can receive support from Tambry who is a certified life coach, spiritual director and a survivor who has been on the journey as well. This is offered at a reduced rate of $50.
