shame

Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone

2020-09-15T09:44:00-04:00September 15th, 2020|

At the beginning of the month we talked about how survivors of sexual abuse often create a comfort zone for themselves. Two different images were offered - that of wrapping yourself up with insulation like a blanket or forming a protective wall. It may also be a comfy nest that you don’t really want to leave, even when it’s time.

Let’s explore what a comfort zone might look like for you.

Comfort Zone and Growth

2020-08-31T18:12:04-04:00August 31st, 2020|

As sexual abuse survivors, we have had to create safety for ourselves. We experienced the unthinkable and now feeling vulnerable and/or out of control can be frightening and uncomfortable. For me, there were a number of layers I wrapped myself up to feel safe and secure.

Surviving Rape: A Family Perspective

2020-08-01T10:00:00-04:00August 1st, 2020|

I never thought my family would be a part of a statistic. The Center for Disease Control reports that 1 in 5 women have experienced completed or attempted rape in their lifetime. 1 in 3 female victims have experienced it between 11-17 years old. (1) I just didn’t think it would happen to my daughter. As the parent of a teenager who was raped, I thought I had taken all the precautions to safeguard her from sexual assault. Understanding the statistics, taking an active interest in her friends, and creating a safe space for important conversations, we discussed sex, intimacy, and safety. My daughter was encouraged to come to me with any concern. I was vigilant! I monitored relationships, supervised time with friends, all to protect her. Hell, I was the poster child for the helicopter mom.... and yet it happened. Right under my nose! She was silent about it for months, and the assault kept happening. When she finally worked up the courage to tell me about the ongoing rape and abuse from her church youth group boyfriend, I was shocked. Not only did it bring back vivid memories from my past, but as a sexual assault survivor myself, I was floored that I had failed to shield her from this horrific trauma. All my carefully crafted protective parenting didn’t shelter her from this terrible assault.

Tackling the Shame Game

2020-04-15T10:00:00-04:00April 15th, 2020|

Shame is like a squatter in your mind. It enters unexpectedly and requires tremendous effort to evict it from the premises. Shame creeps up when you experience pain and feel life has not lived up to your expectations. It quickly established a presence in your psyche and creates a vicious cycle of limiting and toxic thinking.

There are steps you can take to rewrite the shame script. First, understand what the shame is trying to tell you. Although the noise has become distortive, shame is a signal that you have unresolved issues that require more attention for you to more fully heal and engaged with your life. As sexual abuse survivors, we might carry the unnecessary burden of shame for thoughts, behaviors, and actions that don’t belong to us. These thoughts are a transference of pain from being subjected to intense and personal manipulative violations. The good news is that you have the powerful ability to rewrite your story into something filled with more self-compassion and fulfillment. To help expel the shame from your psyche, try one or more the following exercises.

Surviving Shame

2020-04-01T10:00:00-04:00April 1st, 2020|

You might not be aware, but April is Sexual Abuse Awareness Month. To honor all survivors, we want to take a step back to help you look at your journey out of the dark and into wholeness. Here at Survivors to Thrivers, we seek to bring awareness and shine a light onto the shame, silence, and darkness of sexual abuse.

Shame is often one of the hallmarks of facing sexual abuse. A dark feeling of doubt centered around the nagging thought “if only, then…” If only we hadn’t entered that room. If only we hadn’t listened to that manipulation. If only we spoke up. If only we were stronger. The list goes on and drags us deeper into a shame spiral.

Begin by understanding what your limiting beliefs are trying to teach you. Even the harshest critic has insight embedded in the noise. It’s up to you to find the time to create a pause in your life to better hear and understand the engrained script in your head. In the pause, nonjudgmentally observe the themes and narratives, realizing you have the ability to rewrite your narrative if you are kind and patient with yourself. It is unfair to your spirit to blame yourself for being in a particular location or the actions of another person. Instead, focus on the aspects that directly were and are within your control.

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