Examining Deeply Rooted Limiting Beliefs
Our Guest Thriver Blogs allow fellow survivors to share their hearts and their journeys. I am Tambry Harris, founder of Going Forward: Survivors to Thrivers and author of most of our posted blogs. This month I will share a little more about my story and growth journey.
A bit about me: I found my voice, named my truth, and created a vision to help others who have experienced the pain and shame of sexual abuse and/or domestic violence find healing, strength, and freedom.
I seek to provide individual guidance, retreats, and speaking engagements to bring awareness and light to the shame and silence of abuse and trauma.
My Story
My mind created my mode of survival for thirty years. I repressed memories of my childhood sexual abuse until a panic attack, my wake-up call, told me my life was not as I thought it to be.
My body insisted on being heard. I don’t know how this goes and I need a therapist who can help my body be my pathway to truth. My body is speaking loudly and I need to listen.
Years of peeling back the painful layers revealed what I suppressed for decades; I was a victim of childhood sexual abuse.
The awareness started with dreams and then faint memories of places and feelings.
- I began to remember the dark stairway to the dank basement.
- I saw myself as a little girl perched on the stool knowing she couldn’t get down.
- When my therapist asked me what my body wanted to do, my feet started running in little girl steps.
Ah, my little girl wanted to run away. She was trapped and she knew she didn’t dare disobey. When the violation happened, she learned how to emotionally disconnect and leave her body.
As memories slowly emerged, I found myself rocking back and forth in the chair, both in confirmation of the truth and consoling myself. This is what I have done all of my life; I have been the one to rock myself, to comfort myself, such a sad reality for a five-year-old child.
I had to learn to trust my body when I doubted myself and my memories.
- Am I making it all up?
- Did it happen?
- What is the reality?
The dark story began unfolding underneath the sterile mask created to protect and survive.
I can assure you, my body told me loudly to believe the dark story. My therapist said a part of me was still trying to protect me from the truth, a truth too painful to handle as a child. That was why I couldn’t tap into the memories for years.
Did anyone know what was going on?
Why did no one come to my aid?
I guess there were more important things for my family.
I guess I’m not worthy of their attention or concern.
Is this where my core belief that I’m not worthy came from?
Pause, breathe.
Unworthiness. This is seemingly a universal feeling for victims of abuse.
- Why are we the ones who feel unworthy?
- Why are we the ones left with the shame?
- Is it because of what we were told?
- How we were manipulated into silence?
- Whom are we protecting?
Many of my unhelpful limiting beliefs were developed from this abuse and the lack of response to it. I have explored, and overcome, many of them. To name a few they are:
- Stay Silent.
- Stay Small.
- Put others above yourself.
- Have minimal expectations of love.
- Expect to be treated poorly or not considered.
Do any of these sound familiar?
On the 15th of this month, we will begin to examine some of your limiting beliefs so you can begin to see them, explore them, and overcome them.
My Story is an excerpt from my chapter The Embodied Path to Truth: Healing with Mindful, Empowering Questions. The chapter is part of a collaborative book, Stop The Silence: Thriving After Childhood Sexual Abuse which will be released in March!
I hope you will find it on Amazon to read the rest of the story!
Or, join the Thriver Tribe Newsletter for more information about its release. To receive the newsletter, contact me at tambry@survivorstothrivers.com.
Talk To Tambry
I am glad you have taken the time to engage with this blog. Sometimes it is helpful to process new insights that emerge. If you would appreciate brief time with a someone who understands, our Talk to Tambry offering is for you. For 30 minutes, you can receive support from Tambry who is a certified life coach, spiritual director and a survivor who has been on the journey as well. This is offered at a reduced rate of $50.
