How to Begin Dismantling Your Stone Wall Created by Abuse

Published On: September 15th, 2022

Are you ready to begin dismantling your stone wall created as a result of abuse? 

In her previous blog about dismantling her stone wall, Lianne Hofer shared that self-help isn’t about doing it alone. She highlighted places, like this website, provide community.

You are not alone! There are so many of us who are seeking to move from just surviving to thriving, and when we are ready to gather, we can. 

That is a big reason for our Guest Thriver Blogs!  This community is here to encourage you with steps to move forward into thriving.

Lianne offers a few thoughts around various ways to begin dismantling your stone wall.  Thank you again, Lianne, for sharing your story and heart.

One thing I learned was to push a tiny bit and see how it feels.

Huge steps can be rough to fall from. Small stumbles gave space for recovery and reflection. I’ll continue to take small steps. Maybe not every day, but today, most days. There don’t seem to be too many boulders in the way anymore. Still some rubble to clear, though, as those walls were pretty tall, thick, and layered. Who knows—maybe there is another wall I have yet to find?

As you try small things, if one doesn’t work, try another therapy or modality. My journey has been supplemented with some additional things. Here are a few ideas:

Guest Thriver: Lianne Hofer

  • Read a blog, and reflect deeply on its message.
    • I like to explore randomly where I find inspiration.
    • I skip around on sites to find something that speaks to me.
    • If the message does not bring a lightness or opportunity for reflection or growth, I simply pass and keep going.
    • I’ve noticed that once I find authors whose messages I appreciate, their work tends to point me to others who are from a similar viewpoint.
  • Do a search for community blogs like this, and know the stats don’t lie; you are not alone.
    • I found a charity close to home that supports individuals who have experienced abuse and made some connections there.
    • These organizations all offer resources, and many have places to volunteer.
  • Try journaling.
    • For me, sometimes journaling was a note on scrap paper and ripped to shreds; sometimes it was in a notebook.
    • One of my favorite journal prompts is “how am I feeling and where am I feeling it?”
    • Feeling is something I learned to turn off. Learning to turn this back on and trust my body speaking to me has been one of the most freeing observations.
    • Finding I am safe in my body has been a great gift to give myself!
  • Get outside, and get grounded.
    • Grounding is another technique that has helped me.
    • When was the last time you were outside in the grass barefoot?
    • We need to be in contact with the earth.
    • Garden, or play with the dog or kids.
    • Hug a tree.
  • Try meditation.
    • Learn to get quiet and listen to your heart.
    • That heart was closed for protection for a very long time.
    • Opening it slowly through meditation lets me feel safe.
    • I’m still not a pro at meditation. Sometimes it’s a mantra while walking “I am a healthy, worthy, loved woman” or the Lord’s Prayer.
    • When we get quiet, we can hear our hearts speak to us, and they are so full of beautiful love for ourselves.
  • I mentioned that Reiki was very helpful to me.
    • If you are interested, is a place for more basic info.
    • I am now a Reiki Master/Master Teacher and happy to share Reiki remotely or if in the Charlotte area, in person.  Click here to explore.

Love tends to flow from my eyes regularly, and I no longer apologize for it. It feels too good. Gigantic boulder removed.

Maybe someday people will stop hurting others in such traumatic ways. Until then, it is imperative we work on ourselves, stay connected, find our voices, and be as gentle and loving as we need with ourselves.

Chip away at your boulders, and know I am cheering for you on your journey!  Lianne

We thank Lianne for her reflection on her healing journey steps through the various levels.  I would encourage you to begin to think about what level you may be and if any of Lianne’s steps would be helpful as a way to begin to move into your recovery.  I would love to hear which steps or methods resonate with you or if there is a new one you want to try. Please write in the Comments – I read every one.

Here’s to growing toward Thriving, 



About Lianne 


Lianne Hofer made a decision at the tender age of 4 to be happy. This decision has led to features in print and radio shows, on television and as a speaker in her community and internationally. Sharing her ability to find happiness in the everyday and to live with a clutter-free life, she inspires her audiences to laugh, feel and take away tools to enjoy life a little more each day. Her latest project was contributing as an award winning, international best-selling author in the series, Navigating the Clickety Clack, How to remain peaceful in a seemingly toxic world, volume 3. She can be contacted at   

Talk To Tambry

I am glad you have taken the time to engage with this blog.  Sometimes it is helpful to process new insights that emerge.  If you would appreciate brief time with a someone who understands, our Talk to Tambry offering is for you.  For 30 minutes, you can receive support from Tambry who is a certified life coach, spiritual director and a survivor who has been on the journey as well.  This is offered at a reduced rate of $50.

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