“Where do you think God was when the abuse was happening to you?”
I believe God was there, crying for God’s beloved child. I believe it broke God’s heart.
However, God’s nature of uncontrolling love means that God could not single-handedly prevent the abuse.
- God could not stop the abuser from passing on the abuse he experienced as a child.
- My abuser did not choose to do his own healing work and instead allowed his woundedness to harm others.
- Instead of transforming his pain, he transmitted it.
I believe God cried for him, as well. While I believe God’s nature could have guided my abuser in choosing a different path, God could not force him. This knowledge was critical to my healing.
- There was no malice or oversight by God.
- I was not less important to God and my sense of unworthiness was false.
- My trust in a loving God kept me close to the One who is the ultimate comforter.
I could feel God’s spirit supporting and loving me, even when I didn’t feel lovable.
As a child, I always had a sense that God was with me. I would stand outside in the backyard looking up into the stars believing God was somewhere out there. I felt God’s presence, and in some ways, I thought God might be smiling down on me. It took years for me to believe that God would actually draw near to me, but God became so near–the spirit within me–that I just needed to acknowledge it.