How Trauma Keeps You From Knowing Your Worth
In this Guest Thriver Blog, we are excited to introduce Kim Lakin Creger who is a:
- Childhood Sexual Abuse Prevention Speaker,
- #1 Best Selling and Contributing Author, in Stop The Silence: Healing After Child Sexual Abuse,
- Host of a Blog Talk Radio Show, Mondays, and Wednesdays, on NAASCA,
- Stewards Of Children Prevention Specialist, Certified Instructor, and Authorized Facilitator.
In this blog, Kim shares her story and on the 15th of the month, you will hear how she turned her pain into her life purpose.
Like many others, I have held on to trauma from my past. It has kept me from becoming the person God intended me to be.
Now, I share my story of healing my deeply wounded inner child and finding my voice to encourage others.
Growing up, it appeared I lived in a stable home.
- My Mom was a paralegal for a judge in the city where we lived.
- My stepdad was an animal control officer.
- However, on the weekends and days off, drugs were the priority, not the children.
From what I remember of my sexual abuse, it started when I was around 5 years old, until I was about 17, by multiple abusers in and out of the family.
5 years old – The beginning
I remember 2 “teenagers” (cousins of my friend) would walk around their house with their pants unzipped. I remember thinking that wasn’t normal, but my parents were very open and would sometimes walk around with barely anything on, so I didn’t know if that was normal.
Another time, the brothers separated my friend and me when I was over visiting, and one of them trapped me in a closet. He was very aggressive in wanting me to touch him. I ran out of the bedroom as fast as I could, and on my way out, I saw my friend being abused. However, in my 5-year-old mind, I thought she must have been more mature than me, to be doing that. From then on, I tried to avoid going into my friend’s house again.
6 years old – Introduction to safety in God
My grandmother found a church that would pick up my aunt (who is two years older) and me and take us to Sunday School.
- I loved getting dressed up for church, but mostly I loved learning about Jesus.
- I always felt very safe and happy when I was at church.
- I believe God knew how desperately I needed him, and I’m sure that foundation is what helped me to be able to heal…as confusing as it all was!
8-12 years – Sexual abuse continued to be experienced
I was cornered and found many times by a cousin in the family, (another common occurrence) while we were playing hide and seek in the dark. I was always found and felt up. Not knowing at that time that what they did wasn’t right, I guess I thought…didn’t all guys do this? Isn’t that what girls are for?
12 years old – Sexual abuse begins within the home
- I can remember several experiences.
- My dad finally stopped, when I cried, and I told him I did not like it.
- Not before the damage was done though. All the terrible thoughts of what he said he was going to do haunted me.
To make it even worse, right around that time, our stepdad was getting ready to adopt us. My dad later told me he stopped because I told the judge that I wanted him to be my dad. When the judge asked if I wanted to be adopted by him, I didn’t think I really had a choice…
13 years old – A desire to be free
- I was interested in boys and ready to be free from the sexual, mental, and physical abuse haunting me in my home.
- There were always drugs in our house, shared with the children, weird religions, and Yahtzee parties that involved drugs.
- I’ve always thought of my childhood as living in a ‘free love’ atmosphere. Great for pedophiles, and druggies …not so much for children.
14 years old – A new start
- We moved to Washington State to open a restaurant with our family. There, I met my first real boyfriend.
- All I wanted was to escape! One night, sneaking out to meet him, my parents caught me.
- My dad threw me through the wall, and I decided it was time I told my mom what he had done.
- I felt she really dismissed it. She told me that she had been abused as a child as well.
- We did go to one family counseling session, where we were told we have a very nice family.
- I went on a downward spiral from there, became rebellious, and ended up running away to Florida with my boyfriend for three months!
18 years old – A choice for a different life
When I got pregnant with my daughter at 18 years old, I knew that my life needed to change. I wasn’t going to let her fall into the same abuse and lifestyle I had gone through.
At 19 years old I became a single mom. I met my husband while I was pregnant…that’s another story. The unconditional love my children and grandchildren have given me is such a blessing. I’ve spent too many years not understanding. Now I know that God’s love really is unconditional, and I am worthy!
As a child of emotional and physical abuse, I was a walking billboard of how trauma can keep you stuck in an old mindset.
- Believing the words that were spoken to me as a child created a warped recording in my mind that I have played over and over.
- When you are fed negativity on a daily basis it unfortunately sinks in and you believe it to be true. I believed those lies for 50 years.
- When I finally knew I had to DO something to change my life, I began looking at how to break the cycle.
I’ve spent many years in different kinds of therapy and counseling. After years of healing my own inner child, I’ve deepened my healing, by using my past experiences to help others.
I hope my story lets you know you are not alone if you have experienced sexual, mental, physical, and/or emotional abuse. I want you to know that you are worthy of healing and a new start. Healing is not an easy road. It takes time to record over the past tapes of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse.
It takes time to find your self-worth. AND you deserve to know how truly worthy you are! ~ Kim
Talk To Tambry
I am glad you have taken the time to engage with this blog. Sometimes it is helpful to process new insights that emerge. If you would appreciate brief time with a someone who understands, our Talk to Tambry offering is for you. For 30 minutes, you can receive support from Tambry who is a certified life coach, spiritual director and a survivor who has been on the journey as well. This is offered at a reduced rate of $50.
