I don’t remember when the sexual abuse started, I do know I was extremely young. I do remember when it ended, I was 16 years old. My abuser was someone who was in a role to be my biggest protector, instead they used that role quite differently.
Living with this trauma day in day out for all my life to this point, I had enough. I opened up to a teacher in high school. This is a marked point as teachers are required to notify authorities when they suspect or know of abuse. I will be forever grateful as it started my healing journey.
This healing work will always be a part of my life. It’s been a journey, sometimes difficult, sometimes not so hard, always worth it no matter how small the progress. This healing work has been personal. It’s been supported. It’s been mainstream and very off the beaten path. Trying many different modalities and mixing it up has been a trial and error process.
Today I look back and realize how far I have come. Staying focused on improving my life and my relationships kept me on task. I have found some interesting ways to work through the pain and trauma. Today, there is still work to do. That doesn’t seem to stop. It’s like a video game; always another level to explore.
Level One – Recognizing the Wall
Let’s start with the beginning of this healing. The abuser was no longer in the home. My mom was informed of me telling the teacher which made my mother finally address what had been going on under her nose and she had to do something. So, we started where most of us would. Therapy.
- The bad news was I had built walls, so tall and thick, I could not get out and I was not letting anyone in. This was my protection; it was what kept me going all those years.
- Even these early attempts in therapy made progress. The small chips in the Stone surrounding me made some micro cracks allowing the next steps to work on emerge.
- Looking back, I wasn’t quite ready to actually do the work, the abuse had to and did finally end. That I was grateful for.