Be the Key to Your Heart

Published On: February 1st, 2025
Nothing is quite as powerful as the force that humanity calls “love.”

The month of February brings thoughts of love to the forefront which can be hard for many. For survivors of sexual and intimate partner abuse, nothing can be more complex or difficult for us to express than love.  Sure, we can “love” to have our morning coffee, or we “love” to see both our favorite series or a dear friend.  But deeper, unconditional love can feel fleeting or at worse elusive for many of us.

As society becomes fixated on romantic love this time of year, it may be helpful to resist this trend and instead turn your attention inward.  Think back on the past month and reflect on how you have been talking to yourself.

  • Have you been leading with love or with judgment?
  • Are you quick to focus on the tangibles in your life because they seem to fill a void deep within your essence?
  • Do you have difficulties in your interpersonal dynamics because you have forgotten to be your own cheerleader and nurturer?
What is love?
  • Love is a set of positive emotions and feelings that a person has towards another person.
  • It is a set of emotions with intimacy, passion, and commitment.
  • True love means care, closeness, protectiveness, attraction, affection, & trust.

What if we looked at ourselves through this lens, how would we rate our self-love?

  • Do we have positive emotions and feelings toward ourselves?
  • Can we feel a sense of intimacy (truly knowing yourself) and commitment to our well-being?
  • Are we truly caring about ourselves, feeling a protectiveness for the tender part of us, and trusting ourselves?
For Survivors, Self-Love can be a Journey

There is a scar that never fully fades when one has been sexually, emotionally, verbally, or physically violated.

  • In a snap, our soul is forever marked by who and where we were at the time of our trauma(s).
  • We endure the shock, attend to our hurts, reclaim our voice and finally, focus on shining the light of hope around us.
  • And yet, the echo that remains is real and haunting at times.
  • When we are able to be in Thriver-mindset we are able to hear the needs and learn valuable lessons from this echo.

To fully process this part of our essence, we must act lovingly and without judging ourselves.  Which is not easy to do.

  • It requires a high degree of mindfulness and a mental machete to hack through our limiting beliefs or toxic echoes.
  • Physically our brain’s limbic system may have been damaged by our ordeals and now sends us waves of impulses to protect our emotions, mood, and memories.
  • Limiting beliefs are trying to guard us from ever experiencing such pain again.

To heal ourselves from the inside out, we need to be our own lightkeeper shining the beacon of truth and hope into all the scary dark corners of our mind.

We Have the Key to Our Own Heart

When we encounter the pain, we need to name and be brave enough to sit with it for a finite time.

  • As we explore the sensations that arise within us, we can build a greater sense of trust, empowerment, and appreciation.
  • In time, that grows into gratitude and the sincere deep affection that is central to the concept of “love.”
  • Remember, despite all the odds and the hardships, you are still here and you have value. The more you act lovingly to yourself the easier it can be to cut through the negative noise and sensations around you.
  • Be patient and act with grace.
Love Expands

When you become more loving to yourself, you will naturally find that you can be more invested in actively loving others in your life.

You will have a greater sense of inner peace and confidence that will be a beacon of inspiration to others around you.

This in turn will feed your positive sense of self, as love is an endless ripple, infinitely radiating more health, joy, and love.

Don’t Forget to Be Your Own Valentine

In this month filled with hearts and romance, don’t forget to be your own Valentine.

  • Write your own love letter to yourself and the world around you.
  • Lead with light and hope, and begin with nurturing yourself and your lingering hurts.
  • If you need encouragement and support, don’t hesitate to reach out to us by email or social media. We can speak words of love into your spirit.
We welcome your stories of rediscovering the love you have for yourself and those in your life.
  • Remember, your trauma is not your fault.
  • You are beautiful, inspiring, and have essential value.

Thank you for being a part of this uplifting and empowering community.

Lifting you in love and light,

Tambry

Talk To Tambry

I am glad you have taken the time to engage with this blog.  Sometimes it is helpful to process new insights that emerge.  If you would appreciate brief time with a someone who understands, our Talk to Tambry offering is for you.  For 30 minutes, you can receive support from Tambry who is a certified life coach, spiritual director and a survivor who has been on the journey as well.  This is offered at a reduced rate of $50.

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