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The Present of Presence

2019-12-01T11:00:00-05:00December 1st, 2019|

The “Most Wonderful Time of the Year” is also the most frantic! During the holiday season, it seems like at least once a week we are racing to an event. Let’s not get started talking about the rush to buy presents! But during this season of giving, what are we giving ourselves besides added stress? 


It’s easy for survivors to undervalue the need for self-care. We often distract ourselves from the pain of our trauma by finding satisfaction in helping others. But what are we doing for ourselves? There is a reason that airlines tell us to put the oxygen mask on ourselves before we help anyone else out. 


Survivors of sexual abuse have additional pressures that can make taking care of others more complicated. We have worked to better understand how to use our voice. We have processed our reactions when we feel others have either not heard, or chosen to ignore our words. We might even view, at times, our compulsion to look after others as a way to distract ourselves from difficult thoughts, feelings or even tasks. When we shine the light outward, it prevents us from seeing any darkness within. By not looking at our own needs we are neglecting an essential part of our healing and both spiritual and mental growth. 

Begin to Heal Your Family Hurts

2019-11-15T11:00:00-05:00November 15th, 2019|

Family, no one loves us nor can anyone hurt us like they can.  November is a month that is filled with a focus on family and family gatherings.  The beginning of the month has us confront emotions that we might be carrying regarding loved one who have passed on, whereas the end of the month has Americans gathered around the Thanksgiving table.  These events can give rise to a number of unresolved issues for people with sexual abuse.  Our hope is that some of these month’s activities can either provide you ways to resolve linger hurts and toxic patterns that inhibit your ability to thrive. 

Navigating Family Dynamics

2019-11-01T10:00:00-04:00November 1st, 2019|

Welcome to November!  A chill is in the air and we begin to turn our focus inward.  Colder weather has us indoors and confronting our feelings more.  It puts us in closer proximity to our families, often a trigger for survivors of sexual abuse.  Issues can be intense and wide ranging as family members (both alive and dead) may have been a perpetrator, an enabler, a doubter or a challenger to one’s sense of self. 

Captain Marvel-ous Mosaic

2019-10-01T10:00:00-04:00October 1st, 2019|

Personality is one of the biggest paradoxes in humanity.  Typically, it gets explained in absolute terms.  Someone is a happy person, another is angry, she is larger than life, while he is nervous.  It often leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy.  If you constantly hear people say or tell yourself that you are stupid or selfish, the label gains power and soon it is the primary lens you view yourself.  At times you might feel frustrated by people’s over generalizations of you and correct them.  Hearing your partner ask “Why are you angry all of the time?” could lead you to rebut “I’m not angry all of the time, but I am frustrated by not feeling like I’m living up to expectations.”  If we could look at personality as more nuanced then we could have discussions that could lead to collective healing and understanding.


                Thankfully, in the early 1990s a psychological school of thought arose called Internal Family Systems.  This approach looks at one’s personality like a mosaic.  Much like how a mosaic is a picture created by small pieces of glass, tile, stone or even pictures to create one large artwork., so too is the masterpiece that is our personality.  We are quick to see the large image, but with patience one can see the beauty and the purpose with the placement of each smaller item


Internal Family Systems states each person is comprised of number of distinct subpersonalities.When triggered each subpersonality affects how we process and interact with the world around us.A great example is the Pixar movie Inside Out, written as a love letter by a parent trying to understand the inner world of their tween daughter.The movie’s main character Riley has her personality and experience of the world driven by the five subpersonalities: Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear and Disgust.There were even a few moments in the movie when we saw the inner world of the mother and father, and how those subpersonalities impacted their relationship!

Movement to create Thriver-Mindset

2019-09-15T10:00:00-04:00September 15th, 2019|

“I feel like I have hit a plateau in my life and I can’t reach that next level of living.” 


This is a common statement for many survivors of sexual abuse and other traumatic experiences.  Does this resonate with you?  If so, you might be in need of creating that bridge from Survivor to ThriverSurvivor-Mindset entails a focus on understanding your experience, discovering what matters to you and healing.  Thriver-Mindset is the courage to accept the trauma and finding a place where one can coexist with both the darkness and enlightenment you gained from the experience. 


A thriver realizes they aren’t the same person they were before the trauma. Instead they have become a stronger and more inspirational individual who can steadfastly traverse a shifting environment guided by peace and light.  It can feel easier said than done.  Start small and speak kindly to yourself. 

Becoming a Lightkeeper: The Resiliency of Moving from Survivor to Thriver

2019-09-01T10:00:00-04:00September 1st, 2019|

It only takes a moment for something treasured to break.  Once it’s broken the item will never be the same again.  You possess a special gift, choice.  You get to choose what to do with this broken item.  Do you throw it away and replace it, or do you attempt to piece it back together?  If you opt to reassemble the object, do you showcase, use, or hide it?  This is similar to people who face trauma like sexual abuse.  We have made the choice to continuing existing, but are we really able to live in our new skin?  How do you interact with this new you?  Are you showcasing your strength, interacting with the world with various masks on, or are you trying to keep in the background still feeling broken?

 One term associated with the transition from Survivor to Thriver is Resiliency.  Merriam-Webster defines resiliency as the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress.  This speaks to the ability to adjust after trauma.  Continuing the transformation from Victim to Survivor to Thriver one is able to reclaim direction and strength. 

Using Self-Reflection to Shift Endurance to Perseverance

2019-08-15T10:00:00-04:00August 15th, 2019|

Earlier in the month we discussed the journey from victim to survivor.  This is a period to shift from a place of passive protection from pain into a place of forward movement and healing. During this transition, one reclaims their voice and establishes their new phase of life.  This is the time to practice active discovery within yourself. 


Earlier, we asked what you thought of when you heard the terms Victim and Survivor.  Did you feel sparked to journal your thoughts?  If so, begin by lighting a candle and inviting the divine to surround you during the work.  Next, retrieve your journal and take a few minutes to reflect upon what you wrote, or you may choose to begin writing down insights.  At Survivors to Thrivers we promote freedom of religion and spiritual, so walk in your truth and know its ok to adjust language to better fit your spiritual path.  For example, if you are humanist or agnostic, you may choose to light the candle to symbolize peace, hope and the process of allowing light to shine through the darkness. 

Transitioning from Victim to Survivor – Reclaiming the Narrative

2019-08-01T10:00:00-04:00August 1st, 2019|

Words have power.  They help influence how we present ourselves to the outside world, and likewise external terms can profoundly influence our relationship with ourselves.  For the next two series of blogs, we will explore a few labels applied to people who experienced sexual assault and how these terms impact our psyche.  In order to fully reclaim our voice and power we must realize how the terms surrounding these transitions color our perceptions and contribute to potential limiting beliefs.  To truly appreciate the light, sometimes we must better understand the dark.  Be brave and openminded as you go on this journey with us.


What do you think about when you hear the word Victim?  Does it conjure up thoughts of shame, pain, weakness, and helplessness?  When we are a victim, thoughts and actions are happening to us.  We are in a place of enduring.  Merriam-Webster defines endure as “to remain firm under suffering or misfortune without yielding.”  This is a passive state where victims are guarding themselves and outlast the pain.  Yet, it is important to notice, the victim is not to be blamed for being in this poor situation.  This is the time we must be the kindest to ourselves and allow for self-soothing. 

Blossom, Bud, Leaves & Stem Exercise

2019-07-15T10:00:00-04:00July 15th, 2019|

Welcome to Going Forward: Survivors to Thrivers, a community built to empower individuals who have experienced sexual abuse.  In the wake of the #MeToo movement, many have wondered what comes next.  We have broken our silence and worked to heal our wounds both visible and deeply personal.  Are you feeling caught between worlds of light and dark, grinding your gears to get to that next plane of living?  Join our community of people striving to live fully realized lives as Thrivers. 


Earlier in the month you got to know us.  Now we would like to meet you.  Best part, you can do this exercise in a comfortable space without having to leave your tech bubble.  You are going to take a subliminal trip to introduce yourself to Tambry and in the process possible gain some new insights or reframing about yourself.  We ask that you approach this exercise with an open heart and a spirit that is both curious and loving.

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