How to Begin Healing: The Journey Steps
This month, fellow Thriver Shikera Thomason shares how she began her healing journey. She found the courage to embark on the journey from believing she would not heal to healing through Acknowledgment, Mind-Mapping, and Soul-Evolution.
This Blog takes you through her Healing Steps.
Acknowledgment
I invite you to pause for a moment and consider the following questions (definitions are below):
What does “acknowledgment” mean for me?
Describe your Surface Level Acknowledgment:
Now explore your Deep Level of Acknowledgment:
How can a Surface Acknowledgment become a Deep Acknowledgment?
- Choose one thing you have struggled to fully acknowledge and write it down.
- Next, ask yourself, “What scares me about addressing the remainder of the acknowledgment?”
- Now, write the answer to that question.
- After you have written your answer, I want you to congratulate yourself for taking that step.
- It is key to focus on what you did to generate self-love and self-care.
Do not overextend yourself by unveiling too much too quickly! What may seem like a small or baby step to you, may be monumental!
Definitions:
- Surface Acknowledgment happens when a person mentally accepts the trauma endured but is unwilling to examine the depth of the trauma. Operating or dwelling in surface acknowledgment appears as masking the pain by avoiding the signs, triggers, and vulnerability.
- Deep Acknowledgment leads the survivor to understand the impact of the abuse/trauma. They are then receptive to openly, honestly accepting ways to unlock the pain and navigate the necessary paths to healing.
Shikera Thomason is our Guest Thriver Blogger
Mind-Mapping
With this exercise, first write what it would look like to “Feel Like A Victim” and “Feel Like a Thriver.”
As you consider your definitions, map yourself along the continuum or indicate what percentage of time you fall into the different places along the continuum.
“Feel Like a Victim” ———————————————“Feel Like a Thriver”
Points to consider when placing yourself along the continuum are:
- How much do the negative thoughts associated with the trauma stay with you?
- Are you able to mentally replace the original thought with a positive thought that encourages thriving?
- Can you meditate on empowering yourself instead of existing in fear mode?
- Do you realize you did nothing wrong (release the guilt, shame, and self-blame!)?
- Are you able to absorb verbal empowerment from yourself and your tribe?
- Do you have a tribe of friends you can be vulnerable with, who encourage you, hold you accountable to healing, and celebrate your progress?
Affirmations to Encourage Your Shift to Thriver
As you move along the road to thriving, it is helpful to have affirmation to encourage you.
Here are some that have been especially helpful to me:
- Pause, look in a mirror, and say, “I love you!”
- “Inside out, I am beautiful!”
- “I am a Victor and not a victim!”
- “I am capable of making rational decisions.”
- “No longer will I worry about what others think about my emotional state. I am free to experience moments of grief!”
Think about other affirmations that have been helpful to you in the past and name them.
- ___________________________________________________
- _____________________________________________________
Reference these affirmations; maybe they are on Post-it notes placed in significant areas such as your mirror or phone.
Deciphering the difference between healthy visibility and hiding.
Ask yourself these questions about hiding:
- Am I hiding?
- Why am I hiding?
- What or who am I hiding from?
- How do I stop hiding?
Ask yourself these questions about unhealthy visibility:
- Do I want people to see and pity me?
- Am I suppressing pain, leaving it to fester?
Unhealthy visibility (i.e., see my pain, pity me) causes a continuum of festered pain.
In healthy visibility, your mind and heart collaborate toward seeing your wounds transformed into healed scars.
How can you continue this healing, transformational process?
Take Steps for Soul-Evolution
First step: State, “I give myself permission to grieve the physical, emotional, and mental pain associated with the trauma endured.”
- That means you can cry, scream, journal, and talk to someone you trust.
- Think about what will be most helpful to you.
Second step: Notice when you are operating in unhealthy learned patterns. This could include building emotional and mental walls, isolating yourself, and holding your pain inside.
- Write down those patterns. How do they hold you back from fully evolving?
- Exploring these patterns is the work that Survivors to Thrivers support in its individual guidance and small group retreats. Click here to learn more.
Third step: Begin to see yourself as a triumph and not a tragedy.
- Most people only consider major life accomplishments as a triumph such as a degree, a job promotion, etc.
- Survivors often believe their learned behavior sets them apart from others and condemn themselves.
- Take the time to notice the positive things you may have learned from your trauma.
- For example, I can read others’ eyes and body language to determine if they are calm or unsettled. Another example is how I learned to not ignore internal warnings about people or places.
I want each of you reading to believe you can heal, and if you are already on the healing trek to keep going!
Be compassionate with yourself as you heal. I encourage you to avoid being trapped by comparing your journey to another thriver’s journey. Remember, you are victorious and you are worth it!
Keep moving forward! Shikera
Shikera Thomason is a native of West Georgia where she resides with her wife April. When she is not working as a human service provider, Shikera enjoys reading, writing, spending time with her loved ones, and impacting the world through her podcast “Be a Bridge.” Shikera’s podcast teaches how to be a human bridge through the different facets and changes of life. “Be a Bridge” can be located on Anchor or Spotify. Click here for her Podcast Episode called Heal4Real
Talk To Tambry
I am glad you have taken the time to engage with this blog. Sometimes it is helpful to process new insights that emerge. If you would appreciate brief time with a someone who understands, our Talk to Tambry offering is for you. For 30 minutes, you can receive support from Tambry who is a certified life coach, spiritual director and a survivor who has been on the journey as well. This is offered at a reduced rate of $50.
