Honoring Our Layers: What a Cabbage Can Teach Us
In this month’s blog, Lianne Hofer explores: Honoring Our Layers – What a Cabbage Can Teach Us About Healing, Happiness & Letting Go.
Have you ever looked at your life and thought, should I be further along by now?
- Maybe you thought you would have moved past the hardship
- Maybe you believed you had already dealt with it.
- Maybe you cleaned out the closet, changed the relationship, left the job, started the business, forgave someone, even forgave yourself, and expected to feel finished.
But then something happens.
- A familiar feeling surfaces.
- An old story comes back.
- A reaction surprises you.
Lianne Hofer –
Author, Speaker, Coach
Suddenly you wonder, Why am I here again?
And yet, what if coming back to something doesn’t mean you haven’t healed? What if it means you’re ready to see another layer?
I recently had the pleasure of reconnecting with my friend Tambry. We originally met through a mutual friend and connected almost immediately.
There are some people you meet and simply recognize something familiar in them.
- The conversation flows.
- There is a sense of ease.
- You don’t need years of history to feel connected.
Most recently, Tambry and I found ourselves together again at a fellow “Thriver’s” book launch. As we talked, I found myself thinking about the layers we carry as human beings and how much of our healing, growth, confidence, and happiness can come from being willing to look at those layers rather than judging ourselves for having them.
And strangely enough, I kept thinking about a cabbage. Yes. A cabbage. Because sometimes the simplest things can teach us the most profound lessons.
Think about a cabbage.
- From the outside, you see a fairly simple vegetable. Round. Green. Solid. Maybe not particularly glamorous.
- When you start removing the outer leaves, something interesting happens. There is another layer underneath, and another and yet another.
- The cabbage doesn’t suddenly reveal its entire center because you removed one leaf. You have to keep going.
Here’s the part I love most:
- You don’t remove all the layers at once. You work in pieces, sections.
- One leaf may come away easily; another may be tightly attached.
- Sometimes a piece tears and you remove more than you expected.
- Sometimes you have to work your fingers underneath a stubborn section before it releases.
- Eventually, you begin to see something that wasn’t visible from the outside.
I think healing can be a lot like that, so can changing our relationship with ourselves and finding happiness.
We often want transformation to be clean.
- We want a beginning, a middle, and an end.
- We want to be able to say: “That’s done. I’ve healed that. I’ve moved on.”
- But life rarely works that way because we are layered.
Our experiences, beliefs, identities, disappointments, and expectations become layers.
- The things we were told about who we were and who we were supposed to be can become layers.
- The walls we build around ourselves become layers too.
When you look at a cabbage, some of the outer leaves are already beginning to separate from the head. They aren’t necessarily being ripped away. They may simply be ready to go.
I think we experience this in our lives, too. We know something isn’t working anymore.
- The relationship has changed, the job no longer fits, the clothes in our closet belong to an old version of ourselves.
- We know the expectations we have been carrying don’t actually belong to us, and the voice in our minds is programmed by someone else.
- We know the clutter in our home is telling a story about a season we have already left.
And yet we hold on. Why?
Because letting go isn’t always about the thing itself; it’s about what the thing represents. The memory, dream, relationship, possibility, the version of ourselves or the person we thought we would become.
This is why decluttering is rarely just about stuff and healing is rarely just about “getting over” something. We are often dismantling the walls that were built to protect us while simultaneously discovering what is underneath them. That takes courage.
Dismantling vs Destroying
There is something powerful about the idea of dismantling rather than destroying.
You see, destroying implies that what was there had no value, while dismantling recognizes that it served a purpose.
That wall protected you once, perfectionism helped you feel safe, and busyness helped you avoid something you weren’t ready to face. Holding on gave you comfort, saying yes to everyone helped you feel needed, and keeping everything allowed you to remain connected to a past you weren’t ready to release.
Healthy Steps Forward
We don’t have to shame ourselves for the walls we built. We can honor why they were there.
And then we can ask: Do I still need this wall?
That’s a very different question.
Because healing isn’t always about tearing ourselves apart to become someone new; it’s about gently dismantling what no longer needs to protect us. One piece, layer, and realization at a time.
One of the biggest mistakes we make when we are trying to change our lives is believing we need to do everything at once. We think we need the dramatic transformation, like the giant clean-out, the perfect morning routine, and complete reinvention.
What IF
What if transformation is allowed to happen in bits?
- What if today you only remove one layer?
- What if you make one decision?
That transformation could begin with one conversation, boundary, belief, or act of forgiveness.
- It could be one moment of choosing yourself.
- This may not look impressive from the outside, but it allows room for changing, and the next layer is becoming visible. That matters.
Lianne Hofer decided at the age of 4 to BE HAPPY.
Now, she is a TEDx speaker, two-time award-winning international best-selling author, and happiness champion who helps people transform their lives by transforming their spaces.
Lianne believes clutter impacts far more than our homes; it influences our happiness, relationships, confidence, and success. Through her guided journal, What You Are Looking For Is Buried Under Your Clutter, and her inspiring speaking and workshop engagements, Lianne empowers people to release what no longer serves them and create space for greater joy, clarity, and purpose.
Her message is simple: when you transform your space, you transform your life.
Amazon link: https://a.co/d/02PprmSm or https://tinyurl.com/clutterjournal
Talk To Tambry
I am glad you have taken the time to engage with this blog. Sometimes it is helpful to process new insights that emerge. If you would appreciate brief time with a someone who understands, our Talk to Tambry offering is for you. For 30 minutes, you can receive support from Tambry who is a certified life coach, spiritual director and a survivor who has been on the journey as well. This is offered at a reduced rate of $50.
