self-worth

Accepting the Unexpected

2020-06-01T10:01:00-04:00June 1st, 2020|

Expectations, we all have them. But how healthy are they really to our wellbeing? We aspire to a life filled with health, joy, and success. We can place lofty goals to spur our self-growth, but what happens to us when we fall short of these big dreams? What was meant to challenge us, can actually cause greater difficulty and disappointment. This can be especially true of survivors of trauma like sexual abuse, who yearn to break free of our limiting beliefs and our lingering pains.

As we enter June, we are entering into a month typically filled with graduations, weddings, and social gatherings. However, in 2020, we are remaining in the era of Covid-19. This pandemic has held a mirror up to expectations and the pain we all face when situations beyond our control prevent us from obtaining this envisioned scenario.

The hard work of the class of 2020 and important transitional milestones aren’t able to be celebrated together. Weddings must be held either virtually or postponed indefinitely. Loved ones remain physically separated and gatherings must stop for the sake of our health.

But this devastating virus is merely a communal amplification of collective grieving unmet expectations.  In reality, we all must tackle the ramifications of unexpected situations every day.  From illness, job loss, relationship hurdles, accidents, delays or cancellations, to even death – every day we must find ways to make the best out of our situations.  When we are unable to navigate this process successfully, anxiety builds and our feeling of self-worth can plummet.  

Tackling the Shame Game

2020-04-15T10:00:00-04:00April 15th, 2020|

Shame is like a squatter in your mind. It enters unexpectedly and requires tremendous effort to evict it from the premises. Shame creeps up when you experience pain and feel life has not lived up to your expectations. It quickly established a presence in your psyche and creates a vicious cycle of limiting and toxic thinking.

There are steps you can take to rewrite the shame script. First, understand what the shame is trying to tell you. Although the noise has become distortive, shame is a signal that you have unresolved issues that require more attention for you to more fully heal and engaged with your life. As sexual abuse survivors, we might carry the unnecessary burden of shame for thoughts, behaviors, and actions that don’t belong to us. These thoughts are a transference of pain from being subjected to intense and personal manipulative violations. The good news is that you have the powerful ability to rewrite your story into something filled with more self-compassion and fulfillment. To help expel the shame from your psyche, try one or more the following exercises.

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