Growing Your Ability to Self-Advocate

Published On: June 15th, 2025
Sexual violence — regardless of the type of victimization — is about silence and powerlessness. Advocacy restores the survivor’s voice, choice, and power.

As the trauma of sexual abuse continues long past a singular assault, so too does the need for advocacy. Recovery from sexual abuse is not a linear experience, and survivors’ needs shift in different stages of their lives.

Reclaiming Yourself

Sexual assault is a traumatic experience that can have profound effects on survivors, impacting their sense of self, relationships, and overall well-being. Rediscovering one’s authentic self after a traumatic experience such as sexual assault can be a challenging journey, but with the right support and guidance, survivors can find healing and regain their sense of self.

Exploring Personal Identity
  1. Seeking support from professionals, such as counselors or therapists who specialize in trauma recovery, spiritual directors, transformation coaches, and medical practitioners, can help you reclaim your mind, body, and spirit.
  2. Engaging in self-care is crucial for survivors to nurture their well-being and regain a sense of control. Engage in mindfulness exercises, such as deep breathing or meditation, to reduce anxiety and promote relaxation.
  3. Reconnecting with personal interests, passions, and goals is also important.
    1. Reflect on your values, strengths, and aspirations. Rebuilding a sense of self involves rediscovering what matters most to you.
    2. Engage in activities that bring you joy and reconnect you with your authentic self (e.g., pursuing hobbies, interests, or educational pursuits). Explore creative outlets, such as art, music, dance, or writing, as a means of self-expression and emotional release.
    3. Set small, achievable goals for personal growth and celebrate each milestone as you progress.
  4. Telling your story is also a helpful step toward healing.
    1. Too often, survivors have been told to remain silent to protect the perpetrator. Their stories aren’t believed, validated, or taken seriously.
    2. Survivors often experience shame and trauma because of our culture that questions what really happened.
    3. As survivors gain the courage to tell their stories, they regain their innate power.
Creating a Strong Support System

Rebuilding trust and developing healthy relationships is a crucial aspect of rediscovering one’s authentic self.

  • Practice effective communication skills, such as expressing needs, setting boundaries, and actively listening to others.
  • Surround yourself with supportive individuals who validate your experiences and provide a safe space for open dialogue.
  • Prioritize self-compassion and forgive yourself for any self-blame or guilt that may arise.

Connecting with supportive communities or survivor support groups can allow you to share experiences, gain validation, and find comfort.

  • This support group can also be a social group for those simply seeking new friendships or a fresh sense of community.
  • Many schools, organizations, churches, and community centers host these kinds of gatherings regularly, such as restorative justice groups, book clubs, counseling support groups, and more.
  • Advocacy efforts around gender justice and sexual assault, and harassment awareness are another way to feel empowered.

 

Engaging in Action

A big part of being a self-advocate is talking to someone else about sexual assault. A faith leader or trusted friend can help you explore your needs and strategize actions you want to take, such as consulting with the police if you wish to report it or a lawyer to pursue justice.

To effectively self-advocate, you need to know what you want, what you need, and how to get your needs met.

Maintaining Self-Care while you Self-Advocate

Bookend the event.

If you are meeting with a lawyer, the police, or a justice advocate, do something kind and relaxing for yourself before the meeting, whether it is having your favorite cup of tea or listening to a relaxing song.

  • Be sure to schedule something self-affirming afterwards, too, so you’re not alone or left in a triggered or traumatized state without support.
  • Perhaps plan to take a walk, hangout with a friend, watch a favorite show or movie, or schedule a therapy session for soon after so that you can process whatever happened with a professional.

While in the meeting, ask for a break if needed.

  • Although it’s easy to feel like you need to push through the meeting, it’s okay (and encouraged!) to take breaks if and when you need them.
  • If you feel yourself getting triggered or overwhelmed, ask for a break before you feel like you absolutely have to stop; it’s easier to re-center yourself when those feelings are starting to build instead of at their peak.

Shield yourself.

Building a protective barrier around ourselves before something difficult or scary can be helpful.

  • Take a comfortable seat, close your eyes, and imagine a white light surrounding you.
  • As you inhale, imagine the white light entering you as positive/good energy. As you exhale, imagine the white light emanating from you and forming a protective seal around you. Carry it with you through whatever you have to do.

Connect to your body.

Many of us dissociate–or feel like we have disconnected from our body or reality–when revisiting some of the traumatic events. To stay grounded, there are a variety of things you can do.

  • Try going to the bathroom and splashing water on your face or running your hands under water.
  • Do some stretches, especially of the places in your body you feel most disconnected from.
  • If you’re in a situation where you’d like to make this less obvious to others, push down into the ground with the soles of your feet or other places where your body meets a surface, like the back and seat of your chair.
  • You can also trace the lines on the inside of your hands with a finger or play with an acupressure ring.

Use your senses.

If you’re feeling anxious, stop what you’re doing (ask for a break if you’re in a meeting) and bring yourself back to the present moment by engaging your 5 senses.

  • One exercise is to name five things you see, name four things you hear, name three things you feel, name two things you smell, and name one thing you taste. This exercise can also be helpful if you’re dissociating from yourself, particularly from your body.

Go to your glimmers.

  • A glimmer is the opposite of a trigger, a mental cue to our bodies that we are okay.
  • A glimmer can be a person, a place, a smell, a sensation, or a feeling that leads you back toward the feeling of safety and connection.
  • Practice identifying glimmers when they happen and turning toward them in calmer moments.
  • One way to go to a glimmer is to carry a physical manifestation of it. Another idea is to create a mental version of your own (real or imagined) safe place.

Source for this section: https://www.equalrights.org/self-care-for-survivors/

Remember Self-Advocacy is Lifelong

Some of us expect healing to happen in a straight line, to feel better every day as more time passes after a traumatic event. It’s more like a roadmap with twists and turns.

  • While time can help, healing actually happens at different times and at different rates: you might feel good one day and awful the next.
  • Remind yourself that it’s part of the process and that it’s okay.
  • Give yourself credit for small victories.
  • These gradual shifts through the ups and downs are how healing unfolds.

Here is some encouragement for the journey:

  • Advocacy gives you stability and a feeling of regaining control in your life.
  • Advocacy is confidence-building in the way it helps you face challenges that seem insurmountable.
  • Advocacy is a way of reaching out to others.
  • Advocacy for yourself may be the difference that turns feeling hopeless and helpless into feeling hopeful.
  • Self-advocacy is a synonym for what some might otherwise call “control” or “empowerment.”
  • Self-advocacy implies strength, both physical and mental.
  • Understanding what self-advocacy is and why it is vital gives one the power to succeed in their life because we have the power to change and own our lives.

At Survivors to Thrivers, we are here for you along the journey.

Please let us know what suggestions were particularly helpful to you.  I read every comment.

Also, if you want to explore with someone, contact me at tambry@survivorstothrivers.com.

Talk To Tambry

I am glad you have taken the time to engage with this blog.  Sometimes it is helpful to process new insights that emerge.  If you would appreciate brief time with a someone who understands, our Talk to Tambry offering is for you.  For 30 minutes, you can receive support from Tambry who is a certified life coach, spiritual director and a survivor who has been on the journey as well.  This is offered at a reduced rate of $50.

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