What Others Can Do to “Live Forward”
In this Survivor to Thriver Blog, Darlene Lekowski shares her journey of resilience, justice, and healing to break the silence about sibling sexual trauma and abuse to encourage others in claiming their own truth. In this, she learned important steps to move into a thriving life. We thank Darlene for her courage and heart.
The process of letting go and living forward is deeply personal, but no one should have to do it alone. These are steps that helped me—and that may help others: share your story, reframe your inner dialogue, work toward self-acceptance, set clear intentions, ask for help, and find your people. There are others walking this same road.
Share Your Story – Why Silence Hurts Us All
Silence doesn’t protect families—it fractures them. It doesn’t spare reputations—it destroys souls. For generations, families like mine believed that keeping secrets maintained dignity. What it actually maintained was pain. Every time a survivor breaks their silence, they don’t just reclaim their own story—they create a ripple that invites others to do the same. That’s how cultures change.
Reframe Your Inner Dialogue – Letting Go of the Need to Be Perfect
For years, I equated strength with perfection. I wanted to be the woman who had it all together, who didn’t let the past define her. But perfectionism was just another mask for pain. Healing required imperfection. It meant admitting when I was wrong, apologizing when I hurt others, and allowing myself to be seen in all my messy humanity.
Work Toward Self-Acceptance – Three Lessons in Letting Go
When I had yet another PTSD incident in Charleston, this time with my daughter, it taught me that trauma left unhealed becomes transmitted pain. I realized that if I didn’t surrender my rage, I would lose the people who mattered most to me. Finally leaving my first husband after years of trying also showed me that I don’t have to cling to what makes me small, just because I once believed that’s all I deserved. I am worthy of peace, of kindness, and of more. And marrying my second husband, Tom, taught me that real love requires trust. The more I let go, the stronger and more joyful our marriage and my life became.
Set Clear Intentions – The Myth of Closure
People often ask if I feel healed. My answer is always the same: healing is not a destination; it’s a direction. There’s no finish line where all the pain disappears. There’s only the daily practice of choosing peace over bitterness, empathy over anger, and forgiveness over control. Some days, I still stumble. I still get triggered. I still have weekly nightmares. But I no longer let those moments define me. They’re reminders of how far I’ve come—and how committed I am to living forward. Silence and healing are intertwined—one imprisons you, the other sets you free.
Ask For Help – A New Definition of Strength
Strength isn’t the absence of pain; it’s the ability to face pain without letting it own you. For so long, I thought being strong meant never breaking down and managing my trauma all alone. Now I know real strength is being honest enough to say, I’m hurting—and brave enough to keep going anyway. Living forward doesn’t erase what happened—it honors the survivor who refused to give up.
Find Your People – The Power of Speaking the Truth
Every time I told someone, they believed me. That truth shattered fifty years of silence. It also connected me to an extraordinary community of survivors—through organizations like 5WAVES, A Brave Step, Thriving Survivors, SSTA Aware, Blue Borage, and AILA. These communities reminded me that I was truly never alone. They offered what trauma steals first—belonging.
The Freedom in Letting Go
Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. It means releasing the power that pain once held over you. Each time I tell my story, I let go a little more. Each time another survivor tells theirs, the world becomes a little safer—and the silence shatters a little more. That’s what it means to let go to live forward.
From Survival to Service
As I began to heal, my focus shifted outward. I realized that my story wasn’t just about what had happened to me—it was about what I could do with it. Today, I partner with organizations worldwide to raise awareness about sibling sexual trauma and abuse (SSTA). Breaking that silence matters. It saves lives. Through public speaking, advocacy, and my upcoming memoir, I aim to give survivors language for what happened to them—and permission to speak it aloud. Because healing begins the moment we stop whispering.
Darlene Lekowski is a survivor, speaker, author, and advocate who transformed decades of pain into hope and healing—for herself and others. After fifty years of silence about the sibling sexual trauma and abuse (SSTA) she endured as a child, she found her voice, winning the civil lawsuit brought against her by her own brother.
Her debut memoir, Shattering Silence: A Story of Survival, Justice & the Power of Telling the Truth (April 2026), shares her journey of resilience, justice, and healing.
She speaks publicly about her journey and partners with SSTA and sexual assault organizations worldwide to raise awareness and give a voice to all survivors.
Darlene lives in the Charlotte, NC, suburbs with her husband, Tom, their dog, Pepper, and is the proud mother of three adult children.
Visit darlene-lekowski.com and click on ‘Sign Up for Book Updates’ for monthly updates
Instagram: @darlenelekowski
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At Survivors to Thrivers, we seek to first let you know you are not alone. We are all trying to navigate and become our best thriving selves.
Second, I would love to hear which ideas were particularly helpful for you. If you have additional ideas, please let me know and I will include them in future posts.
Holding you in light and love,
Here’s to Thriving! Tambry
Talk To Tambry
I am glad you have taken the time to engage with this blog. Sometimes it is helpful to process new insights that emerge. If you would appreciate brief time with a someone who understands, our Talk to Tambry offering is for you. For 30 minutes, you can receive support from Tambry who is a certified life coach, spiritual director and a survivor who has been on the journey as well. This is offered at a reduced rate of $50.
